trifthen

09:51 pm: A Question of Enlightenment
On my path to freeing myself of worry, I present part one and part two of my quest for enlightenment. Read if you wish, learn if you can.

09:47 am: Election in America Town
Nobody cares what I have to say about the election last night, but I'm posting it anyway!

09:42 am: Again and Again
Just another bout of pointless rambling by yours truly.

10:58 pm: This is Not the Blog You're Looking For
Just to make it clear, I've stopped double-posting from my personal website. If you want to actually keep up with what I'm doing, it's probably best to either bookmark bonesmoses.org or subscribe to my RSS feed. From the looks of things, the last cross-post was from April, so if you have some time and actually care, there's a little catching up to do. Not much, because I don't write as often as I should. :)

In either case, sorry if you've been checking this for updates and think I've died or something. :p

10:05 pm: Writer's Block: Six-Word Story


Fell into oblivion; made a splash.

Universe broken, must start again. -- God

Tags: writer's block

08:27 pm: Running for Fun and Profit
At least I didn't fall over.

08:39 pm: Giant call for addresses!
Hey folks,

As many of you know, I'm getting married, and much to my chagrin, I've not maintained very good address/phone records for you, my friends. If you could please assault me with a barrage of name, address, and phone information so I can inflict my wedding upon you, I'd greatly appreciate it.

If you don't know how to get ahold of me already, shaun@bonesmoses.org will do just fine. Take care all!

11:36 pm: Driving Toward Insanity
You know me... it's a hodgepodge of madness.

04:13 pm: Holter Skelter
I'm being swallowed by a frisky beholder, and I don't like it very much.

07:39 pm: Total Lunar Eclipse
Well, Luna doesn't have pneumonia. Instead, she's going to die of a heart condition. What are the odds?

10:20 pm: Lunar Eclipse
My kitty is sick. Hopefully it's just pneumonia.

03:24 pm: Bloody Study
Yes, you can exercise too much, apparently.

04:40 pm: Et Tu Somes?
How could I forget to post my latest thoughts on health?

05:28 pm: Winter++
I sure love winter like a bad case of anal crabs!

08:46 pm: Dynastic Bombastic
Why not vote for Hillary before it's too late!?

08:57 am: Opaque
It isn't smoke and mirrors.

12:36 pm: Your Money is Now Our Money
It's been too long since I've posted a rant. So go read it, already!

12:29 am: Update Shmupdate
Well, I'm finally engaged if you'll believe that. Scary!

11:01 pm: What if you saw life as nothing but a God Damned cliche? Every action, every person, every thing ultimately predictable, or encapsulated within feasibility?

If you ever wonder why I'm so distant, this is the reason. It's a poor facsimile of the aura I rail against, that taints my every waking hour, but it must suffice. I see motivations, plots, and histories differently from other people. Everything is logical. Even the infinity of human nature and the seeming unpredictable variety which we represent, is nothing but a complicated interaction of chemical signatures with mundane instincts and easily harnessed motivations driven by limited conscious will.

Maybe I've watched the world so long, it seems nothing but an interesting experiment. But nonetheless, it holds no magic. It is nothing but the sum of its parts; less, even. I am trapped, knowing this, but with no recourse for escape.

For this, I know Langston Hughes was ultimately wise beyond his meaning. Were I dead, I'd have escaped this infinite prison before I grasped the bars of my cage. Well, at least for one iteration. I desperately hate being a genius. I stringently despise my gift, for it brings nothing but torment—understanding beyond my capability to cope. It's been this way since I was a teenager, though never more pronounced, as I age and become more and more jaded at the bald-faced simplicity of it all.

If you can imagine knowing everything, without knowing anything, then you can understand my lot. Now, imagine being this way since you were six, at least. Everything is so simple. Everything is so easy. Everything makes sense. That is my punishment, and my greatest fear. I've always been accused of arrogance, but that requires effort. I do not question the truth, regardless of how such may be perceived.

But at least I know why I was an outcast among other outcasts. I have no place anywhere, because I see everything as an observer, an outsider idly witnessing the interaction of formulaic elements within a controlled expanse. Maybe it's aspergers, maybe it's a misguided lust for interaction stolen by providence of my upbringing, but the effect is the same: I am the embodiment of pariah. Even accepted, surrounded by friends, I am alone. If that's arrogance, If anyone thinks that's pride: you are a fool. I'd rather be dead than feel this way, but I've been dead, and I refuse to go quietly.

I am Schrodinger's cat, and for now, my heart, as ill-formed as it is, continues to beat still, and I shall persist. I'll try to take joy where I can, but I feel like I'm merely going through the motions, and that's a shame for anyone foolish enough to find solace in my presence. For those who think I'm silly, this is the real me. Drunk, and without the filters that make me embrace silliness and obliviousness, know what the jokes strive to hide.

If you've ever played those water games, trying to tie a ring to a hook by pressing buttons that spray water-jets into a plastic housing, a game long forgotten in this age of video games, understand that's the thing they let me hold until I lost consciousness before surgery. I couldn't even count to twenty. What would you do, if that were your last action on Earth? It's been 23 years since then, and I'm still here. Maybe that means something, but I'm not so sure.

I've kicked Death square in the nuts. Maybe I was too hasty.

10:40 am: Let's Do the Aspie Again!
Yeah, I filled out one of those quizzes. Could be worse, I guess. :)